Dawg Eat Dawg World
So one of my older co-workers has been dating this girl at work for several years now, and I've always wondered why that is. They just are not an obvious or apparent fit. He's about 20 yrs her senior, and they are different personalities. She used to be a secretary at work, and is really into photography, real friendly girly girl type. The guy is very aggressive, somewhat of a prick to ppl that he doesn't know, and very active outdoors hiker type. He's really smart, she's not quite so smart, at least in the book sense. It never made much sense to me at all, as in, why is he into her, and why would she be into him? Its not as gross as you might think, not the arm-piece type of relationship. In that one, she's not really eye-candy(she's got a good personality, but she's not really a looker...haha), and two, he's not the money-bags type either. I think they've been together now for probably 3-4 years. In fact, even after she's left the company. Which would have been my bet, when this unusual relationship would have naturally come to its end.

Then the other day, someone told me, its because she looks like and resembles the guy's ex-wife. Not just in look, but also in personality, in almost an uncanny way. In fact, it was relayed to me how exactly, the former marriage ended, or rather, the final straw that broke the camel's back. It was on a hiking trip, a really good story if you knew who the person was. Nothing really bad, but one where you could see how someone's go-go personality finally pushed someone over the edge by continuously making someone do what they couldn't.

It got me thinking, wow. I mean, this is simultaneously shallow and not shallow. In different ways of course.

I went so far to say, that I too, would be willing to date someone that even remotely resembled someone. Why exactly? I'm not sure. Perhaps, I suppose, it would make for an interesting story. I'd imagine, if I ever did date someone that resembled her, that one of our mutual friends would surely pass along the word, and it would travel the grapevine. Hey did you hear? Victor's new girl looks just like you, isn't that riot, what do you think that means?

Or, maybe its because sometimes memories themselves are latent and lie beneath the surface. Sometimes you can't choose what you decide to hold on to in life. Your memories choose themselves. I'm not sure if I can be truly articulate about this, but sometimes, I feel really disconnected with myself and my memories. Because of her, I can have a perfectly normal day, and find myself impacted with an old memory, and then just feel out of place, feel not normal, and feel not well. When you remember what you once had but is no more, and itís a very lonely feeling.

And I suppose we all do it in a much less obvious way, we end up developing a "type" even if it has nothing to do with physical appearance. Is it any less of a "relationship crime" to date someone who acts like someone in your past, then merely someone who resembles them?

In a non-religious way, I believe in karma. In the what goes around comes around type of way. I just wonder then, if one does form a relationship with someone, and it is driven from the past, is this an act of redemption, or an act of condemnation? Is this a way to make up for the past, or is it a way to damn your future? I'm fairly sure itís the laterÖespecially if the new person doesn't know about it.

[ esca | 7:57 PM | ]

Business school has been an interesting journey for me so far. As a point of depature from my engineering days at dartmouth, I would say half the material is about studying relationships and interactions between people. People frame themselves as what job they are, what degrees they have, which sports they play, if they are single, or married, or divorced, or with kids.

And its gotten me to thinking, are relationships just more about status and fulfilling needs? Whether people are interested in the other person, vs simply interested in the relationship.

[ esca | 4:20 PM | ]

Has blogging become a thing of the past? I remember that I first started writing about when I got out of college. I had more time on my hand than I knew what to do with at first. But there was also a sense of community in it, there was a sense of camaraderie in the "hyperwest.net" blogging circle.

I've noticed that a lot of people vlog these days, such as on YouTube, but also the same as on the other multitude of media hosting sites, like MetaCafe, Revvar, iMotion, etc. And I'll say, I sometimes find myself getting lost in those sites, much like I'd used to lose myself through the blogs. Even Facebook, with it video hosting, apps, and picture tagging, you can find these newer "tools" fulfill the needs that once could only be served through blogger.

So what's the future? Where will blogging be in 5 years? I guess that path will be determined by the college generation, and the ones just starting their lives and figuring various new ways to inject their creativity and ideas into the communal web universe. Time passes slowly, but its passes nonetheless and its always interesting when you observe culture and customs adapt and change over time.

But I think... there will always be room and time for a blog.

[ esca | 9:53 PM | ]

I've been watching a fair amount of AMC of late. I saw Casino, which was a great classic, and I'm currently watching Constantine in the background. It got me thinking, I like it when movies that I have come up on TV normally. My old roommate used to flip the channel when that happened. His reasoning, was if he already owned it, and he felt like watching it, he'd pop in the DVD and then watch it without the commercials. But I thought about it, I rather watch it coming up on the TV.

Maybe I'm lazy, but maybe I like that external feeling of it just showing up, it just feels different then being a personal choice. Also, maybe its the commitment factor. If I pop in a DVD, I'd feel obligated to devote the next hour or so to finishing it. If its on TV, I can wander as soon as boredom sets in.

[ esca | 9:47 PM | ]

I have 2 halloween stories to share.

A) So I got home from work on Friday and forgot it was halloween. I mean, I knew, like somewhere in the back of my mind, but it had slipped my mind for the moment. I had pretty much just gotten home and was going to turn on the TV to relax for a bit when the front doorbell rang. It was the most adorable little kid dressed up like a pumpkin with her parent, and I didn't have any candy. I said I was sorry, but the look on the face of the kid was pretty unbearable. It was just, well, sincere disappointment. I don't think young kids are as good at hiding their emotions as us "conniving adults" learn to, but that's a topic for another day.

So, I was planning on leaving for the night anyways, but on the spur of the moment, and likely to escape the feeling of guilt, I quickly drive off to the store and buy 2 big bags of candy. Feeling like a superior individual almost immediately, feeling like I can hang my own head up high, I drive back through my neighborhood, and I notice all these packs of kids parading around, and I think to myself, gosh, in a few minutes they will be enjoying my candy, and I feel like such a good person.So I get home, I open up the bags, I save a handful for myself, since after all, who doesn't like candy, and because I need to shower and get ready to go, I sketch out a quick note saying happy halloween! and leave the bags in front of my door. I go upstairs to shower, which probably took me about 10-15 min, and then I go down to check up on the candy, and its all gone!!

I'll let the rest of the story be filled out by the imaginative.

B) So later on that night, I've left my place and I'm driving to meet some friends. I had an old friend from out of town visiting for a conference, so I was driving to get dinner in Little Italy. I took the 163 all the way downtown and was now heading west on Ash & 4th. At the stop light, for some reason, there was a bicycle chain/gang riding around in celebration of All Hallow's Eve. Some were dressed up, many were not, I'm estimating roughly 150-200 ppl riding bicycles. How did this happen? I don't know, perhaps its one of those things that is a tradition?? Maybe it organically started, as some people started riding bikes, and then ppl saw them, and said, hey, let's join this giant posse of bicycles. It appeared that they probably started someplace much farther north, say PB, or probably hillcrest.

Anyways, it was a bit interesting for a while, but when you're late, like I was, and you are stuck behind a traffic like, while this virtual infinite stream of ppl riding their bike, and ignoring the traffic light cycle, you get a bit frustrated.So after watching about 3-4x cycles of green lights change into red lights, I summon up enough courage or frustration to attempt to cross the intersection in my car. I'd like to also note for the record, that I had a green light. So I start moving into the intersection, and I'm honking my horn repeatedly as I didn't want to hit anyone. I only get as far as about the middle of the street, before I get swarmed by bicycles such that I can get any further without risking hitting someone. I didn't know this at the time, but many bicycles have headlights too. It is actually a disconcerting feeling to be stuck someplace and watch oncoming headlights stream towards. What happened, was a particularly ugly fellow, and he shall from this moment in the story simply be referred to as the ugly fellow, wearing a bright yellow shirt, and shorts and an ill-fitting helmet, rode right in front of my car, daring me to hit him. Once he knew that I wasn't, he got up right in front of my car, and stuck his hand out in a stopping motion and then waved everyone by.

At this time, everyone on the bike took at shot at cursing at me, and generally saying a lot of bad things. I felt really bad, I have no other way of explaining it.

"Yeah you f-cking a--hole," "Get the f-ck out of the street," "F-ck you and your B** too"

It was so fast, it was like a ride-by curse out, instead of a drive-by shooting. I could really feel the hate...

Afterwards what I remember, is there were some pedestrians standing at the crosswalk, watching the whole exchange. The ugly fellow yelled at them to "cross the street too." Like as a final umbrage.

Anyways, that's my other halloween story

[ esca | 8:26 PM | ]

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