diorama

sabbatical

2007-04-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a sabbatical from blogging for awhile. A long one. Like, you know, two days. My hyperwest domain name costs me $15/month for 100 megs of space. Wait, what? Yeah. I got it in like, 2001 okay? And now they're finally enforcing it so my site goes down. I have like 101.5 megs of info on there. That's like.... well, I'll let you do the math. I'm stupid, I'm overpaying, I know already. Sheesh. Somebody help me out....

So, I'm working on the switchover, the takeover, so until then, I need to figure out how to get my server to another one. Until then, here's some "come follow along" pictures from the last few days. I'm gonna set myself up as a super mobile blogger. No, not mo-blog, but a blogger on the mo(ve)bile.

I think: I blog therefore I think.

the azins are coming

2007-04-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

Beau Sia from Def Poetry Jam. Try to look up his seminal poem, "The Asians are Coming; the Asians are Coming."

johnny drama/mnemonic/bravo/5

2007-04-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

"What you wanna do?
I got that old thing back
What you wanna see?
Baby sing relax and feel
What you be, where you are
You wouldn't start"
-Biggie

Sorry guys, I'll explain it to you when I have the chance, cool?
If you need to know now: this maybe explains it; maybe.

Saul Williams - Sha Clack Clack
I can't find Ohm for some reason online. But I'll find it. Peace, Love, Joy. Namaste Black Stacey.

Saul Williams; who is he? and what does he do?

no more moonshine

2007-04-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

and the thing is
the only reason
why i have difficulty
trusting you
is because i know
how easy it has become for me to lie
-saul-

ohm
through meditation I program my heart
to beat breakbeats and hum basslines on excellation
*Saul beatboxes* "ohm"
I burn seven day candles that melt
into twelve inch circles on my mantle
and spin funk like myrrh
*Saul beatboxes* "ohm"
and I can fade worlds in and out with my mixing patterns
letting the Earth spin as I blend in Saturn
niggaz be like spinning windmills, braiding hair
locking, popping, as the sonic force
of the soul keeps the planets rocking
the beat don't stop when, soulless matter blows
into the cosmos, trying to be stars
the beat don't stop when, Earth sends out satellites
to spy on Saturnites and control Mars
cause niggaz got a peace treaty with Martians
and we be keepin em up to date with sacred gibberish
like "sho' nuff" and "it's on"
the beat goes on, the beat goes on, the beat goes "ohm"

and I roam through the streets of downtown Venus
trying to auction off monuments of Osirus' severed penis
but they don't want no penis in Venus
for androgynous cosmology sets their spirits free
and they neither men nor women be
but they be down with a billion niggaz who have yet to see
that interplanetary truth is androgynous
and they be sending us shoutouts through shooting stars
and niggaz be like, "Whattup?" and talking Mars
cause we are so-lar and regardless of how far we roam from home
the universe remains our center, like "ohm"

I am no Earthling, I drink moonshine on Mars
and mistake meteors for stars cause I can't hold my liquor
but I can hold my breath and ascend like wind to the black hole
and play galaxaphones on the fire escapes of your soul
blowing tunes through lunar wombs, impregnating stars
giving birth to suns, that darken the skins that skin our drums
and we be beating infinity over sacred hums
spinning funk like myrrh until Jesus comes
and Jesus comes everytime we drum
and the moon drips blood and eclipses the sun
and out of darkness comes a *Saul beatboxes*
and out of darkness comes a *Saul beatboxes*
and out of darkness comes the...
-saul williams-

apollo world

2007-04-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

the control
in the grand experiment of the cosmos, we are the control
god sits at a desk, perfecting his fledgling omnipotent powers
using his omnisicence to make things right and create things better
imagine a time when God intervened before Eve took the apple
imagine a class where God explained the reasoning behind evil and inequality
imagine a place where the unseen is seen and the numinous is within reach
inside the laboratory of life
tucked into a dark recessed corner
a small blue globe slowly spins atop a once shiny pedestal
look closer at the label, brush away the cobwebs
reveal the faded sign that reads, "earth v1.0"
imagine the burning bush as just a bush burning
imagine Jesus Christ as just a man
imagine the Bible as fabrication and fiction
sometimes god wanders by and sees six billion isolated hands
collectively stretched towards the heavens

desperate for answers and longing for peace
he cannot help us because every experiment needs a control
"earth v1.0" is a cautionary tale to the other Creators

this is what happens when humans are left to their own devices
every murder, war and sin is another reason for god to divinely intervene
on some other world, for some other place, for some other people

we who cannot be saved because we are not the chosen
are forced to answer back with futile prayers and screams
that echo long into the Milky Way to eventually fall upon
Deaf
scientific ears

Tuesday 10/30/2001 1:11:26pm
what up? i just emailed you and thought to check the website. i had no idea! yo, as it sits right now, this page is tight!!!!!

but seriously, your poetry hits me deeply. you need to delete that "written poorly" stuff. your words venture as far away from being poorly written as my heart ventures from ann arbor when i read them. this sounds however it sounds but, how i feel towards your poetry is somewhat elatingly ineffable. you have a powerful expressive voice. i felt very much "you" and "asian nation" on a lot of different and parallel levels. i'm shaking my head right now because i had no idea you wrote the way you do. i mean i had some idea but yo, it seems as if you too were born with two tongues. i hear you using one for talking and the other for speaking your soul's truth. One Love.

it's a beautiful thing!

while i apologize for the time in between time that i always fall out of touch, you know i always look forward to spendin time! this weekend should be tight. if you have anything in the works, bring it. i'd be more than down and blessed if we were able to workshop some stuff together.

aight man, i'll see you soon.

-mpurity-

Peace -apollo-....always....

light(ning) strikes

2007-04-19T12:11:00.000-07:00

to okapi:

Yeah..
Doo-doo-doo, mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm..
Doo-doo-d-doo, diggy-doo yo..

I never knew a luh, luh-luh, a love like this
Gotta be somethin for me to write this
Queen, I aint seen you in a minute
Wrote this letter, and finally decide to send it
Signed sealed delivered for us to grow together
Love has no limit, lets spend it slow forever
I know your heart is weathered by what studs did to you
I aint gon assault em cause I probably did it too
Because of you, feelings I handle with care
Some niggaz recognize the light but they cant handle the glare
You know I aint the type to walk around with matchin shirts
If relationship is effort I will match your work
I wanna be the one to make you happiest, it hurts you the most
They say the end is near, its important that we close..
.. to the most, high
Regardless of what happen on him lets rely

There are times.. when you'll need someone..
I will be by your side..
There is a light, that shines,
Special for you, and me..."

musiq soulchild; just friends
"Girl I know this might seem strange
But let me know if I'm out of order
For stepping to you this way
See I've been watching you for a while
And I just gotta let you know
That I'm really feeling your style
Cause I have to know your name
And leave you with my number
And I hope that you would call me someday
If you want you can give me yours too
And if you don't I ain't mad at'cha (2pac)
We can still be cool"

http://jonyang2000.blogspot.com

Earth Wind & Fire
"Do you remember the 7th night of september?
Love was changing the minds of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing.
As we danced in the night,
Remember how the stars stole the night away"

it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY...

2007-04-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

Totally Like Whatever
Video of "Totally Like Whatever" (lip synched)
-Taylor Mali-

More Mali - What A Teacher Makes

Fu Gee La - To Zion - Every City, Every Ghetto.... The Miseducation - Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Tell Him
Watch: The D Chappelle movie.

The Root Down: Lauryn + Mos = Common Sense (link)
After bein' 25, you know, just trying to survive in the world
Bout to have a little boy or baby girl. Who knows?
Anyway, just when you start gettin that little age and experience to you
You start thinkin about stuff...tryin to make the right moves
So bust it out, this is what I was thinkin, check it

Yo, the education of the Lon-chicka-Lonnie Lynn
Began, began with time
Bein my bloodline is one with the divine
In time brotha, you will discover the light
Some say that God is Black and the Devil's White
Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what's right
I fight, with myself in the ring of doubt and fear
The rain ain't gone, but I can still see clear
As a child, given religion with no answer to why
Just told believe in Jesus cuz for me he did die
Curiosity killed the catechism
Understanding and wisdom became the rhythm that I played to
And became a slave to master self
A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness and his health
My mind had dealt with the books of Zen, Tao the lessons
Koran and the Bible, to me they all vital
And got truth within 'em, gotta read them boys
You just can't skim 'em, different branches of belief
But one root that stem 'em, but people of the venom try to trim 'em
And use religion as an emblem
When it should be a natural way of life
Who am I or they to say to whom you pray ain't right
That's who got you doin right and got you this far
Whether you say "in Jesus name" or Hum do Allah
Long as you know it's a bein' that's supreme to you
You let that show towards others in the things you do
Cuz when the trumpets blowin, 24 elders surround the throne
Only 144,000 gon get home
Only 144,000 gon get home
Only 144,000 gon get it baby

Chorus Cee-Lo:
I've lived and I've learned
I have taken and I've earned
I have laughed, I've cried
I have failed and I have tried
Sunshine, pouring rain
found joy through all my pain
I just wanna be happy with being me

Cee-Lo:
Let me voice my concern
So many of my fellow brothers have given themselves a title
That their actions didn't earn
Our ignorance is in the same breath as our innocence
Subconciously, seeking to find an impressionable mind to convince
I've finally come to the realization why Black people in the worse place
Cuz it's hard to correct yourself when you don't know
Who you are in the first place
So I try to find the clue in you
But evidently, White folks know more Black history than we do
Why're we bein' lied to? I ain't know our history was purposely hidden
Damn, somethin' in me wanna know who I am
So I began my search, my journey started in church
It gave my heartache relief when I started to understand belief
Hustlin was like a gift spent my share of time in the streets
Taught me survival from this evil I'm just gonna have to deal with
And I felt like a fool when I tried to learn it in school
It almost seemed like a rehearsal when the only
Science and math are universal
Takin elder advice, read the Bible, the Koran
Searched scrolls from the Hebrew Israelites
Hold on, this ain't right, Jesus wasn't White
Some leads were granted with insight
and it's all in the plan, but it took me some time to overstand
He still created with the imperfection of man
So, with followin' I disagree
By no means have I forgotten or forgiven what's been done to me but
I do know the Devil ain't no White man, the Devil's a spiritual mind
That's color blind, there's evil White folk and evil niggas
You gon surely find there's no positivity without negativity
But one side you gonna have to choose
Any chance to speak I refuse to misuse
So how can you call yourself God when you let a worldly possession
become an obsession and the way you write your rhymes and
Can't follow your lesson
If a seed's sown, you make sure it's known, you make sure it's grown
If you God, then save your own, don't mentally enslave your own
If you God, then save your own, don't mentally enslave your own
If you God, then save your own, don't mentally enslave your own

Well, I've lived and I've learned
I've taken and I've earned
I have laughed, I have cried
I failed and I have tried
Sunshine, pourin rain
I found joy through my pain
Just wanna be happy...bein me
Bein me

ani(maniac)

2007-04-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

(0) just me myself and i
(1) the people's instinctive travels & the paths of rhythm
(2) the low end theory
(3) midnight marauders
(4) beats, rhymes, and life
(5) the love movement
(-) lucy's pearl
"on point tip? all the time phife."

[quote to live for]
and i believe pinky and the brain are revolutionaries
because they try to take over the world- every night
like them, i believe there will always be something to fight for
-staceyann chin-

[quote to live by]
there's no secret handshake. there's an iQ prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake.
-reality bites-

[secret ambition]
to be a poet philosopher. part time. to be mad rich. part time. to be a magic the gathering pro player. full time
signed by e kweli t

we're teeny, we're tiny, we're all a little loony....
"I's time for Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh 'til you collapse
We're animan-iacs"

transcripted thoughts - shammy dee

2007-04-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

Love Is...(by Shihan)
don't postpone joy (shammy dee)

1.
he had begun to point his pen at her heart
doodling her into the margins of history
in between eighteen hundred twelve wars
and napoleonic conquests
he wondered how long this was to last
he switched to permanent marker

2.
did you hear? sally o'brien and michael piangoli did the ditty
in the back room yesterday?
behind stacks of dewey decimals, shielded by
nancy drew and hardy boys
they did it and then totally showed up
after school
holding hands

3.
like
oh my god

4.
he had forty five minutes to render
the light on her face
could he do it?
could he show them how her skin was like milk
poured over porcelain, how the light made her
eyes look like they were made of obsidian
made her beautiful and detached
and awesomely powerful -- like a goddess
caught in the act of smiling

5.
it was too hard, trying to label and separate
which were the incoming veins
which were the outgoing arteries
distinguishing between
superior vena cavas and ascending aortas
had never been
this difficult
he tried to picture his own heart
valves all aflutter with single minded purpose
dissection made him queasy

6.
to him
their love existed
in poems
journal entries
they held hands in foreign corners
of his french workbooks
there
they could join without
the awkwardness of reality
he was through writing possibility

7.
at point A
he indulged his mind
because his legs
were rooted down to a desk
at point B
the cosign and cotangent became clear
he still could not measure distance
to point C
he looked for end points and parallel lines
but could find neither

8.
in chemistry they found each other
by jyang, 2002

speaking in (native) tongues?

2007-04-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

21: Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?
9817: Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth.

armageddon
serendipity
felicity season 1
the notebook
freedom/immortality, it's yours/spartans!
"carla was the prom queen"

433: yeeeeaa-aaaahhh! 4/21/07, i'm NOT drinking with you. but i can take a mandatory cigarette break. oh sriricha. boy on a mission. aquaman man just wanted to be....power of a dyke SLAP (or squat).

Excuse Me Miss
"Smiley faces after all of her phrases
Either she the one or I'm caught in "The Matrix"
But fukkit, let the Fish-burne
Red or (two) green pill(s), you live and you learn, c'mon!"

o'bannon. l8es.

WWjD

2007-04-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

If you can walk you can dance; if you can talk you can sing...
We at war
We at war with society, racism, terrorism and most of all we at war with ourselves

The Fiasco
So we Kick, Push Kick, Push Kick, Push Kick, Push Coast
And the way he roll just a rebel to the world with no place to go
So we Kick, Push Kick, Push Kick, Push Kick, Push Coast
So come and skate with me, just a rebel looking for a place to be
So let's Kick, and Push, and Coast

Wake Up Mr. ______ - Sky High - Through the (F)ire - (Peace) Diamonds from _____ Family Matters - We the Roses - Hey Mama - Late - The Rose that Grew from Del Mar - Flower Power - Care Bear Stare!

Late Registration
I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time

something old, something new

2007-04-04T03:03:00.000-07:00

craigslist has a posting of "advice to young men from an old man." some of it is interesting, some of it is rubbish, but here's a few i'd like to highlight and reflect upon.

17. don't speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. back her up against the world, even if she's wrong. she should know that you have her back. when she needs your help, give it. she should know that you'll take her part.

i think this is very important. how else can a girl know that you'll defend her at all costs unless you actually do so? my problem here is that i don't think i should have to defend someone if they're wrong. which would make me a very hesitant white knight i suppose; or not a knight at all. ideally, a girl shouldn't even have to ask for defense, it should be provided a moment before she even realizes she needs it.

20. don't bother with "emotional affairs." they are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. that's the part of a relationship they want. for you it is a lot of work and investment in time. if they are having an emotional affair with you, they're probably fucking someone else.

i'll leave this one alone. for the record, emotional affairs are common among both genders and really, don't they just make the day go by?

21. becoming a woman's friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. if you haven't gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won't ever get her. she'll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she's having with someone else.

agree, and agree. if you're going to close the deal, you'd have done it within twelve months. then again, i've seen amazing, logic-defying, instances where persistance wins. i should blog separately about that actually. but yes, for the most part, if you can't get her to like you within a year or so, you're just a friend. give it up.

22. have and nurture friendships with women.

again, 100% agree with this one. why this old man doesn't address the nifty grey area people now tend to live in i'm not sure. perhaps there's no answer to that type of question/dilemma. oh wait, he said friendship, not friend-relationship. gotcha. yeah, have friendships (just friends) with women. it'll help you out in the long run.

and for you doubters out there: yes, girls and boys can be just platonic friends. the caveat being that 80% of guys can't or won't do it.

23. realize that love is a numbers game. guys fall in love easily. you're going to see some girl and feel like you'll die if you don't get her. if she rejects you, move on to the next one. it's her loss.

tragically, this is true. men fall in a love with anything, their problem is acquiring. women have the opposite problem.

battlefield television

2007-04-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

it kills me that judd apatow's most successful venture is "40 year old virgin." that was such a crappy movie; now judd's name has been sullied. his actual deserving of accolades masterpiece, freaks and geeks, came out in 1999 but was cancelled after one season; because everything great must die young. his follow up, undeclared (2001), is much sillier and generally not as beloved as freaks and geeks. still, it was a critically lauded show -- and also cancelled after one season.

popular (1999) came out the same year as freaks and geeks, and lasted two seasons. this last point is criminal because despite being a good show, popular is not a classic like freaks and geeks, yet it went on longer. popular probably lasted one season longer than freaks and geeks because it was on the wb, an up-and-coming network who took a few more chances and had a bit more patience. not enough patience however, since popular ended up being cancelled after two seasons; in the middle of a cliff hanger no less, and with a third season originally promised to the creator. too bad, so sad.

having just watched the first disk for both shows, i have to weigh in: which show is better? undeclared or popular?

first, the two shows have separate settings. undeclared is set in college, popular is set in high school. classic college based shows: felicity. classic high school based shows: freaks and geeks, my so called life, wonder years (junior high), and 90210 to an extent. high school shows tend to deal with popularity and how to achieve/maintain it. college shows tend to revolve around finding yourself or looking in the mirror and making that change.

undeclared sort of takes a high school slant on college. the main character, steven, is a dorky guy who is concerned with being cool in college. of course, it doesn't dwell there, otherwise undeclared would just be sam weir gone to university, and they could have called it freaks and geeks 2: still dorky.

but luckily, steven gets laid in the first episode, meets some cool friends, and the whole issue of him not being cool is essentially dropped. the rest of the series starts to segue into slice of life college moments. boyfriend of the girl steven slept with visits; steven needs to find an on-campus job when his dad can't pay tuition; a late night support group of students confined to the common lounge while their roommates get it on, etc.

the problem was, after a few episodes, you had all these characters and amusing situations but there seemed to be no purpose to it all. perhaps it's a meta-critique of college in general, but i doubt it. there was no strong unrequited romance, no strong story arcs, and not enough direction or insight into the characters. sure it was funny, but was that it?

on the other hand, popular sucked me in with shocking revelations at the end of each episode (a technique perfected by grey's anatomy) and the continuity of the characters and situations froced me to continue watching. in the beginning, you don't really see anything fresh in storylines like: will the cool girl and uncool girl get along? can the fat girl become a cheerleader? will the star quarterback choose the school musical over football? but by episode five i was lusting for the second dvd just to know what happens.

popular is your typical cool kids versus uncool kids story. everybody loves the cheerleaders; nobody pays attention to the geeks/weirdos/nerds/fat people. classic tale, can't really fuck it up. the first two episodes of popular were a little rough for me. it was a bit like a high-schooler's ally mcbeal type of show (swinging wildly between silly montages and then "deep" scenes), but with obvious caricatures and stereotypes, and no entirely likable characters. by the third episode however, i was starting to dig the show. it was witty, mean, and they stopped hammering you over the head with big moral punchlines. i liked it. a lot.

i'll probably end up watching both shows through the first season just to get a fuller grasp of everything but i think i like popular better, simply because it has the better lines. if a girl refering to someone as "mary tyler whore" doesn't make you laugh, then we have different senses of humor. undeclared and popular are both definitely comedies first, dramas second (similar to scrubs) and i'm not normally a huge fan of shows like that; i prefer my shows to be witty, observational, touching, and without overt silliness. but hey, both popular and undeclared are light years ahead of anything on television today.

with my so called life in 1994, felicity in 1998, then freaks and geeks, popular, and undeclared in the 1999-2001 range, those seven years may represent the epoch of television teen angst -- before everything became the oc and about who hooked up with whom. throw in gilmore girls, dawson's creek, party of five, plus others i'm surely forgetting, and you're looking at the best era to have been stuck in front of your television -- and stuck you were because it was pre-tivo.

choose or lose

2007-04-03T01:26:00.000-07:00

i'm watching the first season of popular (pretty enjoyable by the third episode) and i made a little impromptu list of what generally made people popular in high school -- or in my case, unpopular. it's based on what clubs/activities you chose to do or were associated with. scary how accurate this is isn't it? like if you joined this club or that club, that really defined how cool you were? it begs the question: are the activites inherently cool/uncool or do cool/uncool people gravitate toward certain activites? anyway, here's the list. which one(s) were you?

popular: jock, inner circle cheerleader
cool: football basketball soccer athlete, cheerleader, class president, drug dealer
neutral: troubled kid, honors society, student government, athlete, rebel, key club, foreign kid
uncool: drama, dance, band, flags, language clubs
dorks: academic bowl, mathlete, united nations
losers: av club, chess club, computer geek

the math of writing

2007-03-14T00:08:00.000-07:00

have you ever tried being a freelance writer? ok, me neither. but it's not a pretty world out there. ever heard anyone say "oh, a writer eh? that must be very lucrative!" nobody says that because writing's not lucrative -- freelance or otherwise. barring great skill, luck, or both, a budding writer is looking at minimum wage or less. many successful writers/poets subsist on grants and awards -- meaning free money -- or teaching. writers love to teach; or they have to teach.

i read that back in the day, $1 a word was customary for a professional writer. maybe not customary, but not unusual for a reputable magazine or newspaper. that rate now? still a dollar a word -- or less, nevermind inflation. actually, to get to the $1 per word mark you'd have to be an experienced writer working for a well established entity. otherwise $1 would be your pipedream. your community newspaper probably pays ten cents a word. newspapers? 35-cents or so. glossy magazines? maybe 50-cents a word. when they say "don't quit your day job," they're probably talking to writers.

of course, fifty-cents a word could seem pretty good. i mean, words are cheap; a few extra "an's" or "the's" here and there and you've made a few bucks. but no. usually a normal sized article is what? a thousand words? that's five hundred dollars for one article. not bad until you consider how much effort might go into researching, writing, and polishing that piece. i have friends who make more than $500 during a lunch break.

that's not to mention actually getting someone to offer you an article to write. heck, i'd probably pay companies to let me write for them. so, even at one article per week at market rates, you're barely making any gravy; nevermind putting dinner on the table.

am i complaining? no. i'm just in awe of people who hustle and have enough persistence, talent, and know-how to make a living as a freelance writer (freelance anything really). it's amazing to me because the math just doesn't seem to add up. actually, i don't get how some people support a family, have kids, a car, a house and all that while making $12/hour. so really, i'm easily befuddled by the world of personal finance.

for the record, on my book, i made maybe about 20-cents a word. i feel like that's kind of high. so really i've already been overpaid. great, i've already peaked as a writer. perhaps i should consider blogging for three-cents a word?

a piece of universal advice when writing is: "don't use a ten-dollar word when the fifty-cent one will do." that should be changed to "charge at least fifty-cents a word, or starve."

weekend update

2007-03-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

every time i've quit a job, something better and much happier has come along. i'm a big quitter, what of it? i'm not a huge believer in sticking something out just because it's stable and might be good for society. then again, that type of thinking has led me to leave a slew of unfinished things in my life -- namely college. but hey, why quibble?

one month ago i was slugging it out at a mortgage place, waking up early, taking lunch time naps in my car. then i quit, threw myself into various projects -- few which came to actual fruition -- but i was having fun. and then just as i thought i would have some time to do nothing, i jumped into working for hong in la.

then i found out that my book's been doing not so bad and i'm getting paid more on it. then i found out that another book proposal "shows promise" and i have to rewrite it asap. if this second book proposal works out, i can write off subscriptions to us magazine and glamour magazine.

you know how sometimes you know that the next seven days of your life could be pretty big in determining the future? like you're about to go one way or the other and this is the week that'll decide it? that's this week for me.

good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

my agent, my (love) life

2007-03-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

lilly likes to talk about meeting somebody's representative when you're dating. it's a phenomenon everybody knows about. for the first few dates you get the best of somebody. they're nicely groomed, well behaved, attentive, funny, and interesting. after a few dates however, the representative fades and the real person shines through.

this is also known as the "honeymoon period" if the dating turns into a relationship. after six months of dating the representative, you suddenly wake up one morning to an entirely new person. surly, forgetful, stubborn, unkempt, totally useless, and not what you signed up for. you feel duped. the nice guy is suddenly an ass, etc.

here's the thing, we all have our representative but what we really need is an agent.

what would a relationship agent do? well, what does a real agent do? they go out to find you deals and then they set the terms to those deals. they'll lay out what's expected, what you can live with, what you can live without, what you can and can't stand. the representative hooks'em, the agent books'em; and gives them the lowdown.

no dump clause? let's talk about it. a twenty-four hour moratorium after fights? put it in the contract. no contact with exes? sign here please. a romantic dinner at least once a week? date night on thursday? big celebrations on valentine's day? check, check, let's re-visit last one.

see how this would work? once you have an agent set your standards for success, both parties are free to enjoy each other within pre-approved guidelines. no more surprises, no more stunning revelations. when in doubt, refer to the contract. does anyone not like this idea?

the only question is, would you have to have another person as your agent? or could you represent yourself? i'd assume it'll be better to have third-parties represent both people, but then you have to kick out a fee. but isn't 10-15% worth a happy future?

issues vs baggage

2007-03-09T21:48:00.000-08:00

over dinner a few weeks ago, we were speaking about one of our friends and it hit us that he tends to date girls with baggage. another friend at dinner tends to date girls with issues, but rarely baggage. so what's the difference? let's clarify.

first off, everyone has issues. there are certain personality issues we're born and bred with. insecurities, extreme ego, emotional roller coaster, inability to open up, what have you. these are par for the course. when we speak about "issues," we can usually break it down to a girl having one major issue that prevents a happy, healthy, relationship. for example, when you speak about that girl (hopefully an ex at this point), what would you say? if she's defined as "the crazy chick" or "the super jealous one," that's her issue.

now baggage, that's something a person drags around with them. the first type of baggage is literal. got kids? got an ex-husband? baggage. ex-boyfriends or an unrequited best friend lover is also baggage. in addition, typical negative lifestyles also count as baggage. inveterate cheater and can't stay stay faithful? that would qualify as baggage. basically, the line i'm looking for between issues and baggage is if it can be fixed -- hypothetically. you can't fix having a child, being divorced, or being caught red-handed cheating. those are now hard facts in your relationship case file. they are red flags that aren't going away.

everything else falls into the issues category, or some blend of both. for example, a gambling problem, issue or baggage? a little of both i'd say. the gambling debt is baggage, the issue behind it might be an addictive/destructive personality. super flirty and likes to make all the guys pay attention to her -- much to your chagrin? issue. can't get along with your friends? issue. a friend likes to declare his undying love for her every six months? baggage. likes to give people the silent treatment (because she can't express her anger)? issue. had an abusive relationship in the past? issue and baggage. never been in a "real" relationship? ooh, tough one. i'd say it's baggage about to lead into issues once you date her. see how this works?

so, given the choice, which one would you date? or also, which one do you tend to date? some of us are fine dating girls with issues, some of us prefer baggage. which dating catastrophe do you prefer?

note: of course this issues versus baggage applies to guys too. of course. it takes two to make a relationship bomb.

lies my students told me

2007-03-07T21:42:00.000-08:00

i recently got the chance to teach a class for about a week. of course, the "students" in the class were paid to be there and the subject matter wasn't nearly as scintillating as i would have liked -- unless you think student loan consolidation is real excitinig -- but i tried to make it as fun as possible. take it from me, i've been to plenty of new hire orientations and despite varying levels of personal interest, i do my best to pay attention.

but some of these kids -- mainly eighteen to twenty three or so -- were yawning, not looking at their materials, staring at me with a blank look for four hours, saying nothing, and not really looking like they were into it at all. this is on the first day of a potential job for them. the training was deemed "too intense" for some. trust me, my training session was hardly intense. but when half the class doesn't have the ability to properly learn, take notes, or succeed in a classroom environment, i can see why i suddenly looked like a standout in the training sessions i've been a part of.

it seemed like it was shocking to some that i was expecting people to retain this information for later use. by the end of the week, i was just trying to break things down to the very basics. we're talking apples and oranges and red fish blue fish here. but for some of the participants, that was still too much. and then they go home and don't study! whatever happened to impressing your potential employer?

i would like to think that this experience gave me some insight into the plight of our teachers. first, as a teacher, you have to fight the idea that you can make a difference in every student's life. half the class won't pay attention to you, one quarter isn't smart enough to keep up, and the remaining quarter are rapt and smart enough but maybe they have another issue that prevents them from fully connecting with the material. the best thing you can hope for is ten-percent of the class being ideal students.

of course, isn't it a teacher's job to reach that other ninety-percent? isn't that why they make the big bucks? in reality, as hard as teachers try, i think overwhelming pessimism and the toil of teaching will wear on them; forcing them to just concentrate on the really great or really terrible students.

i don't know anyone who has lasted in teaching for more than a few years; unless it's been at the elementary school level. now i know why. really, teaching a group of kids is just a mind numbing experience. and it's not that rewarding despite what we're led to believe. you're saying the same stuff over and over again -- imagine your eighth grade history teacher, who had to go over the same material five times a day, for years on end -- and soon you just want someone in the class to catch on so you can get to the end of the chapter.

it was, in some ways, a demoralizing experience. no wonder students get left behind. they shoot themselves in the foot. i had no idea the value of study skills. i guess super camp really did work for me.

pam's labyrinth

2007-02-28T13:53:00.000-08:00

"pamela yung, for instance, didn't have to steel herself to face a hostile french kitchen, nor did she train in california. she didn't train anywhere. after majoring in computer science and design at the university of michigan, she was working in a detroit design firm when she saw a notice on egullet, the food-maven web site. mr. [will] goldfarb was about to open room 4 dessert and needed a stagiaire, or trainee, who would work long hours for low pay. 'on a whim, i e-mailed him,' said ms. yung, 24.

she started work the day the before the restaurant opened. 'i was completely overwhelmed,' she said. 'i just did whatever i was told.' but she wasn't intimidated by the machinery, and today she's a believer, perfectly comfortable turning out white beer sorbets, earl grey tea panna cottas and apricot flake salt."
-kitchen chemistry is chic, but is it a woman's place?-

you kill time, then it kills you

2007-03-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

i'd always envied those people who rushed around every minute of the day attending meetings, accomplishing tasks, running errands, and generally being over-involved and crazy busy. i didn't envy their life, i just envied the fact that they had things to put into their planners.

see, i love planners. i like to pretend i have a life and day planners have quite the appeal for me. i love writing down to-do lists, knowing full well that i probably won't end up finishing even half the things i put down. mundane tasks such as "go get mail" was just as important as "finish homework." as long as i could schedule a life, i felt like i was being productive.

for that reason (among many others), college was great. there was always someplace i had to be. meet people to hang out, dance practice, culture show stuff, fellowship, dinners, the occassional class or job. my planner was my constant companion and it was full of useless tasks that invariably went unaccomplished. i felt good. i even kept my planner so i could look back upon each day with pride.

fast forward to now. throw in a 9-5 job and suddenly adding in even two weekly social commitments kills your time. weekends are for playing, week days for recovering and one event or two per week is quite a lot. of course, some super-humans even have the time to volunteer, work out, have side jobs, start families, and get graduate degrees at night. yes, we hate these people.

my dad volunteered to get me a handspring right when i finished college. i figured this would be the greatest organizational tool ever. an electronic day planner with a stylus? awesome. instead i used it mostly to play tetris on the subway. i don't think i've had a dedicated day planner since, since any obligations i've had could be easily rememebered in my head -- and then subsequently forgotten.

over the years, i've resorted to using my calendar to keep careful track of friends' birthdays; presumably to stay on top of people's lives once a year, but mostly to give my calendar a sense of purpose and worth. it's important your calendar doesn't feel neglected. this is one case where quantity surely trumps quality.

since quitting the job two weeks ago, i've committed to, or am about to commit to, about five new things. some of them involve blogging for sites other than this one, some of them are time commitments, some of them involve little personal projects, some of them were simply thrust upon me (taxes, etc). now i find my brain filled with a constant flurry of things i have to do, check lists i could now create, tasks that must be accomplished by a certain date.

of course, true to form, i find myself spending most of my day figuring out the best way to integrate outlook, backpack, google calendars, google apps, and the traditional sticky notes into a well oiled machine. meanwhile i've accomplished nothing today. i didn't even remember to get the mail.

west coast customs

2007-02-20T21:53:00.000-08:00

so i'm trying to get my online presence all set up. jonyang.org is actually going live (minus a few minor technological quirks) and i'm trying to post to it as much as possible. i've quit my job and i'm trying to write for various online and offline endeavors. i read somewhere that it's a good idea to have "set pieces" to send to people when applying for freelance work, so i'm trying to get ten or more -- interviews, reviews, little and big pieces. so if you want to be interviewed about something, hit me up. i'm contemplating taking diorama down but that seems to be not worth the hassle. plus, i need somewhere to write in all lower caps right?

i could blog five times a day if i didn't feel like 90% of my thoughts are totally trivial. but i guess, some of those trivial bon mots will be on jonyang.org since i'm trying to make myself known world, and internet, wide. wish me luck. pimp my ride, as if. i'm pimping myself.

while i'm at it. here's our favorite do-everything person, amit, in the first of what will surely be many videos -- miss meghna's in this case . he's the choreographer and the guy teasingly out of frame (and tragically submerged in shadows) all the time. dig it.

plus, our good friend eric galvez has his website and book ready to blow up. galvez found a tumor the size of a golf ball in his head about a year ago and the book is about his experience taking that tumor by storm and eradicating it. "reversal" has a soundtrack, it has his story and insights, it has his perspective as a physical therapist turned patient. it has a wonderfully poetic blue cover.

i also need five minutes of your time for an itsy bitsy favor. so if you have five minutes, email me and i'll tell you all about it. thanks.

up for the challenge

2007-02-15T13:12:00.000-08:00

you know how when you were seventeen or eighteen, they gave you a test to determine what professions would suit your personality? where can i get my hands on one of those? i'd like to take it and figure out what my true occupation should be. i highly doubt being a customer service rep slash entry level grunt would be in my top three matches. i'm not sure aspiring author/writer would be on that list either, but what the hey.

do they ask you questions like "do you like dealing with (dumb) people?" "do you like co-workers?" "are you good at not focusing on the big picture?" "are you capable of taking five minute bathroom breaks? and only five minutes?" i sure hope they ask these types of questions.

what if my ideal occupation turns out to be like, carpenter or plumber? would i then throw it all away -- "all" meaning my current collection of amateur level skills and job experiences -- to work with my hands? i did recently receive a gift of power drill and extensive tool set so perhaps that's a sign.

here's a fun test to take: the great video game music test.

bucky

2007-02-15T13:02:00.000-08:00

one of the tough parts about this job (possibly any job?) is that after awhile, you just don't care. in my current customer care position, we're trained to build rapport with people. after a few weeks of building rapport though, you just want to get people off the phone and onto their next destination. still, once in awhile, i'll give it the old college try and attempt to build some rapport.

if they have an interesting occupation, have my birthdate, sound chinese, or are from michigan, we'll chat it up a bit. i do this maybe once a day and if it goes well i feel like i've accomplished something.

today, a guy called in by the name of "stephen rogers." i responded with "ah, captain america eh?" blank stare. no kurt wagners, tony starks, peter parkers, or scott summers have rolled my way ever so i was reduced to clinging onto "steve rogers" for a moment of levity. the guy totally didn't get it.

i quit my job two weeks ago, my last day is this friday. avengers assemble.

love is...

2007-02-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

i'm re-reading the fountainhead; i like to do this every few years to "get back to my roots." it's hard to maintain optimal selfishness and general all-around assholeness without consulting my bible once in awhile. this time through i find myself fixating on the love triangle contained in the book. more specifically, the way dominique francon, howard roark, and gail wynand approach the concept and reality of love.

dominique is seriously flawed. she'll whore herself out to her true love's greatest enemies in order to defile herself and to see how much roark can take. it seems cruel but she does this to keep roark for herself. what? basically dominique is afraid that roark's principles will break so she sets out to destroy him before she can be with him. it's very melrose place. in-between all of this, of course, they engage in violent love making that is the equivalent of "the greatest love of all time."

for her, love is about making exceptions since she'd never give of herself this way or bow her head for anyone except roark. of course, roark rejects her exactly for this reason, due to his own thoughts on love.

gail wynand, the powerful entrepreneur, has essentially sold his soul to the devil (in this case, the "mindless masses") in order to achieve fame and fortune. now his idea of fun is to break idealistic young men/women by any means possible. since he sold his selfish desires and beliefs, he feels like he must make others do it too -- he's the devil's right hand man. his idea of love is to own someone. once he decides he wants something, he doesn't want anyone else to have it.

he has an art gallery full of priceless works that he purchases and then keeps private. he does the same with dominique. after he marries her, he just wants to keep her locked up and in his possession. behind those castle walls he can be soft, sweet, cuddly, and real. this is how gail wynand loves. notice how similar it is to how dominique expresses her love; love as exception -- but gail adds in ownership on top of that.

howard roark, our hero and rand's ideal man, thinks of love in a totally different way. i'll let roark tell it. the following speech occurs right after dominique has offered herself to roark as his wife, as his love slave, as his personal valet, as his everything -- at the same time having just told him that she's to be married to one of his mortal enemies unless he tells her not to. roark says he'll pass on her offer and responds with this:

"i love you, dominique. as selfishly as the fact that i exist. as selfishly as my lungs breath air. i breathe for my own necessity, for the fuel of my body, for my survival. i've given you not my sacrifice or my pity, but my ego and my naked need.

this is the only way you can wish to be loved. this is the only way i can want you to love me. if you married me now, i would become your whole existence. but i would not want you then. you would not want yourself -- and so you would not love me long. to say 'i love you' one must first know how to say the 'i'."

to summarize, roark's idea of love is not about exception making, it's not about owning, it's about... shit, i'm not sure what it's about. but i know it's not about what most people think it's about. love is a many splendored thing but i don't think people give enough thought to it, even if it seems like all we do is talk about it.

"the novel extols the virtues of science and logic and argues personal relationships can exist within these virtues. as long as relationships help people maximize their potential, then the novel sees love as a version of logic, and therefore approves of it."
-fountainhead, spark notes-