Saturday, March 30
re:generation
at the millennial rolling-over point
baby boomer one-time-hippies
turned parents across these United States groan,
"when we said
'you can be anything' we meant
'you can be a brain surgeon or
district attorney or
genetic engineer' -- we
didn't mean you should become
a... poet." [continue]
-marty mcConnell -
posted by jon
Wednesday, March 27
You know, I’ve been thinking…the tone of the past couple of entries has been kind of cynical. A little vague and a little multi-directional. I don’t think I’m doing enough with my blogs. I’m thinking maybe I should relate some funny anecdotes. Or do some online stand up comedy routines. Maybe a little soft shoe for entertainment purposes. Attention span is hard to maintain nowadays in this post-MTV generation. Maybe I should hire a prominent rapper as my official spokesman. Can’t you see Ma$e rapping for yellowbrickroad.blogspot.com? “Ya’ll don’t wanna mess/ because I impress/ come to the brick/ don’t be a dick/ be dum be dum. (insert Ja Rule raspiness and female hook here for top ten hit)”
posted by The Wizard
I don’t think you even have any funny anecdotes to relate. And you can’t tell a joke to save your life. And I’m not sure what soft shoe is but I’m sure that you’re no good at it. Plus, MaSe is now minus the dollar sign, and he’s Christian, so he probably doesn’t prostrate himself before the masses without religious motivations. What’s wrong with the gig you got going now?
posted by Tin Man
It’s not quite…..bright enough. It’s lacking a certain sparkle. A little bit of that swing. You know?
posted by The Wizard
You don’t need a monkey, just grind the damn organ. By the way, you wouldn't have a problem with selling your integrity for mass acceptance and glory?
posted by Tin Man
No, not at all. My integrity comes cheap. But even at the discounted price there haven’t been very many buyers. Quite frankly, there haven’t been many shoppers, much less buyers.
posted by The Wizard
Then keep on doing what you do. There’s no other way around it.
posted by Tin Man
Once again, I find myself mired in the deep sea of mediocrity.
posted by The Wizard
And this is different from your previous life how?
posted by Tin
Tuesday, March 26
Apparently responsibility and consequence go hand in hand. I've figured out what it means to be responsible. Responsibility is making decisions with the consequences in mind. Responsibility is acting with regards to consequences. Responsibility is looking at the big picture. Responsibility is putting aside selfish desires for the good of others. Responsibility is caring about what other people think. Responsibility is doing things and reporting that they're done. Responsibility is getting on other people's asses to finish something. Responsibility is nagging. Responsibility is being on time. Responsibility is paying your own bills. And owning your own medical insurance. Responsibility is the art of seeming capable. Responsibility is growing up. Responsibility is a bitch.
posted by jon
Monday, March 25
Do you think that stealing stuff is immoral? Is there a line between stealing big things and little things? Grabbing a couple of candies from the grocery store isn't stealing right? I mean, a little five finger discounting here and then might be good.
posted by The Wizard
What's the difference between stealing candies or stealing a car? If you steal something, you stole. Period. A crime is a crime.
posted by Tin Man
You really think so? I mean, if the law is flawed by nature, that means we don't always have to be adamantly within it's limits. For example, the other day, me and a certain female compatriot (name rhymes with fancy but i'm withholding anything else for her protection) moved some little plastic monkeys into another bag so that when we bought one bag, we would get six monkeys instead of three. All this while the original klepto man himself stood by unapprovingly. Is that unlawful?
posted by The Wizard
I would actually categorize that as just rearranging. Getting more for your buck may not actually be stealing. You did buy something after all. It's akin to sticking more hot dog buns into another package to avoid the hot dog-bun equilibrium problem.
posted by Tin Man
So there is a grey area somewhere.
posted by The Wizard
I suppose so. What's the biggest thing you've stolen?
posted by Tin Man
Um. A $3.99 turtle squirt gun from the Imaginarium.
posted by The Wizard
Small timer. Wait till you steal a Porsche, then we'll talk.
posted by Tin Man
Hit me up if you want a rearranged, possibly stolen, plastic monkey. Only three left and they're priced to go.
posted by jon
Sunday, March 24
-i cry-
Sometimes when I'm alone I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confiding,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.
-tupac shakur-
posted by jon
Thursday, March 21
So……you don’t have a soul right?
posted by The Wizard
Nope.
posted by Tin Man
Do I have a soul?
posted by The Wizard
Conventionally speaking, yes you do.
posted by Tin Man
How do I know I have a soul?
posted by The Wizard
Because you’re a product of society. So you have a soul.
posted by Tin Man
And that makes me special?
posted by The Wizard
It makes you alive. I think.
posted by Tin Man
So what exactly does a soul do?
posted by The Wizard
Who knows what a soul does. Perhaps it makes you warm and fuzzy.
posted by Tin Man
How is it not having a soul?
posted by The Wizard
Quite frankly, I really can’t tell the difference.
posted by Tin Man
How can I be sure that I have a soul then…if I can’t tell the difference either?
posted by The Wizard
Well. If having a soul makes you unique and eternal, doesn’t that make you happy?
posted by Tin Man
I suppose.
posted by The Wizard
Then believe in your soul.
posted by Tin Man
I should believe in my soul because it makes me happy?
posted by The Wizard
Precisely.
posted by Tin Man
I wouldn’t be delusional? I should just take as truth the things that make me happy?
posted by The Wizard
Exactly.
posted by Tin Man
That makes things much easier.
posted by The Wizard
Doesn’t it?
posted by Tin
Monday, March 18
Buddha swore off all material things and chose to toss aside his princely privileges and lead a life of suffering. I think my complete inability to bear suffering of any kind keeps me from pursuing Buddhism. That and a fundamental distrust and fear of organized religion. I sometimes dream of wandering the earth, with no material possessions, in an attempt to find enlightenment. But then I think about all the CDs that I would have to bring in order to remain sane and I realize that my eventual enlightenment will have to be accompanied by a soundtrack.
posted by The Wizard
I somehow doubt that Buddha swore much.
posted by Tin Man
You never know. Perhaps he was a foul mouthed spiritual man. It’s only an oxymoron based on preference and prejudice.
posted by The Wizard
I personally think that swearing tends to add character.
posted by Tin Man
Fuck. Shit. Asshole. Bugger.
posted by The Wizard
Nice try.
posted by Tin
Saturday, March 16
Do you think you can ever trully totally know another person?
posted by The Wizard
Ugh. Why would you want to? Doesn’t your head hurt enough trying to get to know yourself?
posted by Tin Man
Well, yeah, but knowing yourself is kind of a never-ending process. At certain points however, you feel like you do reach a point where you do know yourself. Can you do that with other people? Know them inside and out?
posted by The Wizard
Well, I think you can I guess. Know someone I mean. I think you can figure out a person’s motivations by talking to them, or by observing them and interpreting their actions. People always have a reason for doing things and I think it’s quite possible to know somebody well enough so that you can define their motivation(s).
posted by Tin Man
But talking to people and observing them is superficial isn’t it? What people say and what they do is only a reflection of what they want to show to people. I mean, I could talk to you all day long and you could ask me millions of questions but at the end of the day, it’s only what I’ve chosen to respond to that forms your judgement.
posted by The Wizard
Yeah, but I think people reveal much more than they want to. Over an extended amount of time, it’s hard to always put on the “good” face. People will eventually see you…..warts and all…..as a friend used to say. Isn’t it funny how friends are often able to characterize us, and describe us, while we mostly stand around groping in the dark?
posted by Tin Man
You don’t think that’s because friends tend to simplify things?
posted by The Wizard
Well, not really. If anything, sometimes what a friend says is closer to the truth because people tend to twist their own actions and motivations so that they can live with the consequences. Friends don’t have to do that. In that way, I think friends are usually pretty non-partisan.
posted by Tin Man
I dunno. I still kind of think that there is always a side of you that nobody else will ever fully know. No one can enter into the thoughts of another person fully enough to ever totally understand them.
posted by The Wizard
I don’t think a person can predict what you might do or think about every stupid little thing out there but I think generally speaking, it’s within the realm of possibility to completely figure out what drives a person to be the way they are.
posted by Tin Man
I’m getting tired. This is a little too much for me. What time do you usually go to bed?
posted by The Wizard
Well, I would have to say, probably a few minutes after you go to bed.
posted by Tin Man
Oh. That’s comforting.
posted by jon
Thursday, March 14
Just keep your faith in me
Don't act impatiently
You'll get where you need to be, in due time
Even when things are slow
Hold on and don't let go
I'll give you what I owe, in due time
Strugglin's just a part of my day
Many obstacles have been placed in my way
I know the only reason that I make it through
Is because I never stop believin in you
Some people wonder why we here in the first place
They can't believe because they ain't never seen your face
But even when you pray, the next day you gotta try
Can't wait for nobody to come down out the sky
You've got to realize that the world's a test
You can only do your best and let Him do the rest
You've got your life, and got your health
So quit procrastinatin and push it yourself
You've got to realize that the world's a test
You can only do your best and let Him do the rest
You've got your life, and got your health
So quit procrastinatin...
-outkast, in due time-
posted by jon
I have a revelation for a new lifestyle plan. It’s called the ten percent plan. In an effort to find a way to increase productivity while having increased time for recreational activities, i’ve found a simple yet sure fire way of ensuring the success of both goals. We will work to gain ten percent of our day back. In a twenty four hour day, that would mean 2.4 hours a day could be ours again. How are we going to do this? Simple. By doing everything ten percent faster. Or by cutting everything we do by ten percent.
posted by Tin Man
I don’t get it Tony! That sounds impossible! How are you going to do it?!? (overly exaggerated look of excitement here)
posted by The Wizard
It's easy, let me show you. Takes you an hour to eat? Eat in fifty four minutes. Shower in five minutes? Shower in four point five. Your internet surfing lasts for eight hours straight? Cut it by an hour and twenty minutes. Spend hours on the freeway? Drive ten percent faster (check with your local authorities on this one first). The new movie you’re watching is three hours long? Walk out twenty minutes before it ends. Or better yet, skip the whole preview part and save time there. Magically, as you gradually accumulate ten percents, you will have an extra 2+ hours of your life to do with as you please.
posted by Tin Man
Wow, that is amazing! Don’t you think that’s amazing audience? (clap here)
posted by The Wizard
Think of what you could accomplish with an extra two hours a day. You could read a book, write a letter, save a tree, take a nap…..the possibilities are endless. This plan is sure to increase your happiness and your productivity. At the end of the day you’ll feel like you’ve cheated the twenty four hour clock. All I need to market this is a catchy slogan. Someone help me.
posted by Tin Man
“Ten to win!!!”
posted by The Wizard
That’s not really all that catchy. That doesn’t even rhyme.
posted by Tin Man
Shut up, I only gave it ninety percent of my thinking power.
posted by jon
Monday, March 11
Are there sometimes when you just have to let go? I mean, I think I have a tendency to hold onto people as long as possible. I don’t want to ever lose anyone or to be further away from them than is necessary. But I’ve realized that you can only spread yourself so thin because at a certain point, you break. Or you forget, or fade, or even worse, stagnate.
posted by The Wizard
I don’t think you have to let go. Although something must be said for the constraints of the twenty four hour day.
posted by Tin Man
Don’t you think that as life goes on, some people are just meant to be transitionary? I mean, some people just drift in and out of life, having expanded your life, but then you both move on in different directions.
posted by The Wizard
Given enough synergy, a relationship never dies.
posted by Tin Man
Um, yeah. Right. Maybe in a hypothetical sense but people do lose their sense of togetherness after a certain point. When do you give up and gather your losses and come back to fight another day?
posted by The Wizard
What the hell are you talking about?
posted by Tin Man
I have no idea. I thought we were talking about friends and relationships and stuff?
posted by The Wizard
Who’s retreating and why are you fighting in the first place?
posted by Tin Man
I dunno. Let’s go to sleep.
posted by The Wizard
Stop hitting on me. I don’t like it.
posted by Tin Man
..................
posted by The Wizard
I kill myself.
posted by Tin Man
If only.
posted by jon
Saturday, March 9
Argument for the existence of free will:
According to the FBI, 61% of rape victims are under the age of 19, and 29% are younger than 11. One out of every four women are sexually molested by an adult before she was 19, and it’s one out of every ten for men. Only one tenth of child sexual abuse cases are believed to be reported to law enforcement. Pedophilia. What the fuck? Stuff like this kind of almost makes you want to believe that men are inherently bad.
posted by jon
Thursday, March 7
Hypothetically, if you were the last male member of your family, are you obligated to have children?
posted by The Wizard
Well, hypothetically and realisitically, you shouldn't be obligated to do anything. Do you not want children?
posted by Tin Man
Well, let's put that one aside for a moment. Don't you think that if, hypothetically, you were the last male capable of passing on the family name, you have a certain duty to procreate? For the sake of extending the family name and as a show of respect to your ancestors?
posted by The Wizard
That must be a great pick up line. "Hey! My ancestors NEED you in my life. I don't even like you much! It's out of respect for them!!!" No wonder you're single.
posted by Tin Man
There's potentially millions of reasons why i'm single. We'll put that one aside for the moment too. We digress. It's not all that important to continue the family line in my view, but hypothetically, you think this kind of thing should be a consideration when deciding to have kids?
posted by The Wizard
I think the most important consideration is if you want kids. If you don't, having them for the sake of carrying on the family line seems a little archaic. Not to mention pathetic. Why not just let one of your female siblings have kids and preserve the family name that way? I have a friend whose last name is different then the rest of her family's because she preserved her grandmother's maiden name. What's the difference if the spawn is from a male or female?
posted by Tin Man
I don't know. Tradition i guess. I just thought that maybe if one were hypothetically swinging between pro-kids or con-kids, this might be a big issue.
posted by The Wizard
Well, i guess if you want the family name to extinguish with your paltry flame, never have kids. If you want to pass your inadequate genes onto another generation, be my guest.
posted by Tin Man
You're so damn helpful.
posted by The Wizard
Kids used to call me "problem solver" in middle school.
posted by Tin Man
Funny, adults call you "*$@!!*&" now.
posted by The Wizard
Well, that's better than being called......
posted by Tin Man
Stop. Please.
posted by jon
Sunday, March 3
in the style of Salt-N-Pepa
Let's talk about [insert any topic here], baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
posted by jon
Friday, March 1
Do you ever feel like you’re just a derivative? Like even as you stand in full Technicolor glory, there’s someone out there who makes you look like a pale irrelevant shadow? This doesn’t even have to be a specific someone, just a conception that somewhere out there, is the original of you and here you stand, a flimsy fax copy. Originality is perhaps the most endangered of traits. There is not just one of you but many multiples of you. People are unique but only in their (sometimes) original combinations of unoriginal facets. How many people have been true trailblazers? Purely original? Ever had an original idea? Me neither. My mind is a derivative of all that I have read and all that I have heard.
Challenge me to say something original. I don’t know if I can do it. But the thing is, that’s okay. People are content to just be as one. Mass communications fight us every day for our attention spans and our opinions. The world is starting to get too big too fast and our minds are suffering. Original thought is hardly even rejected nowadays because it is hardly ever conceived. We are all trying to either subvert the paradigm or flow with it. The sad thing is, I don’t know if I can think of anything fundamentally wrong with that. Or how to fight against it. How dark is the day when you realize you’re just a second-hander?
posted by jon
powered by blogger
the
wizard
our naive
protagonist. think harry potter. but older. and not as cool. the wizard
has feelings and emotions and all of that human bs. the wizard is lost,
lonely, and curious. aren't you?
tin
man
the batman
to the wizard's robin, the jordan to wiz's pippen, the britney to the
wizard's justin, the skipper to the wizard's gilligan, the jon to the
george...yeah, you get it. the tin man is stronger, faster, and more powerful
than any locomotive. but he's not real. just a heartless, soulless, practical
machine. who happens to talk.