Wednesday, September 10 : 2:02 AM : 0 comments :

So I'm 30 now. Writing-wise, you're supposed to type out small numbers and only use numerals for big numbers, but "thirty" doesn't look as imposing as "30." People have been writing out "The Big 3-0" to me so I should give it its proper due. As I'm writing this, Louis is asleep on the couch next to me, breathing heavily and occasionally snoring while I'm wide awake with the TV on. It could be a scene from 1998. The more things change the more they stay the same I guess.

I was trying to think about the best way to take stock of my twenties but it's been hard. Looking over old entries, browsing through pictures, and just trying to bring back memories from when I was still considered a newish young adult, I couldn't come up with anything. And I guess that's the theme of my twenties. I'm still nearly the exact same person. My interests are similar to ten years ago, the circle of my friends are roughly the same, and I'm still searching for the same things: Fun, friends, and freedom.

One of my best friends said that my quirk or weirdness is how long I've been in "this" stage of my life. Despite the end of college, moving all over the place, (some) jobs, losses and deaths, a few successes, and a gentle rocking as the world turns, I've remained early twenties in spirit if not in reality. My other best friend has often said that she's long admired my ability to stand above all worldly pressures and be unaffected by traditional stresses. I'm not sure that's a trait to be admired but both of their statements are true, I'm still closer to twenties Jon than 30's Jon.

Somehow I doubt forties me will be able to say the same thing. If the twenties are a transitional age, the thirties are traditionally about coalescing. It'll be hard to stay unchanged for another decade, if only because expectations and realities for a thirty year old are way different than it is for a twenty year old. Mostly, you're still full of promise in your twenties while any setbacks in your thirties can be more readily interpreted as straight failure. And forget this thirty is the new twenty stuff. It's a marketing ploy and soothing only topically.

If the fear and anxiety of some newish thirty year olds around me are to be believed, it's still the same old panic age it's always been. The good news is that I have company. A few of my peers are comparably confused and perhaps even lost. Any stability found in the past ten years seems temporary and up for debate. That means I'll still have people to swim with; that means I'll still have a few more years to get it right.

Our actual birth date was celebrated together, out among a gaggle of friends. The early part of the night was spent at Tien's wedding, which was beautiful and impeccably organized and decorated. Tien and David looked like leads from a Wong Kar-Wai movie and they had hired a kick ass live band. One guy had three saxophones, a trumpet, and a flute just to himself. The band was nine people deep, it was that serious. At one point they covered Journey, then Michael, then Black Eyed Peas one after the other. Like I said, super serious.

George threw herself a little birthday party and we were united a bit after midnight for some hugging (me) and deliriously happy "Happy Birthdays!" (her). The weekend before that, we also had some birthday celebrations in combination with all of the Virgo birthdays around us and we blew out candles together. I probably should have taken a moment to make a wish but I totally forgot. What would I have wished for? Well, I guess a pony would be out of the question at this point. So maybe a unicorn?

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